I was asked Thursday to be in a video project equaling “It Gets Better” at NC State. This video, however, would not be tied in with the “It Gets Better” campaign, and it would be shorter than NC State’s students all telling their life stories. I was really excited about it when I was asked. From what I know, I’ll be doing the video with three or four other people of varying sexual orientations/persuasions.
I’ve done LGBTIQA panels before, and I’m thinking something like this will essentially be like a panel, but on film. (Like a Q&A.) The only problem for me — well not problem really — more like predicament… is that this video will be displayed on Appalachian’s homepage, or somewhere close to it.
I know I’m not out to everyone, especially my extended relatives. (My grandmother’s a major Republican activist in Nashville for god’s sake!) But it’s not so much them that I’m worried about — it’s the people I know go to ASU. The people I know will see it. The people that I don’t speak to anymore…
I’m afraid of being misconstrued. I don’t want to “prove” the points they tried to make at one point in my life by being a pansexual who “whores around because she loves attention”. That’s not me.
I still really want to do the video. My worry won’t stop me from doing the video. I’m just concerned (probably ridiculously) that there’s going to be some sort of backlash from my participating in this project. I’ve always been told, “Your reputation is all you’ve got.” And sometimes I take that to heart.