do you ever keyboard smash
no that doesn’t look right
and so you erase it and try again
thought I was home alone, sneezed, and heard a “BLESS YOU” from upstairs.
I only had a minor heart attack, it’s okay.
This might just last for tonight, so let me get it all out now.
I am hopeful because…
There are 27 days left until I turn 20,
which means there are 27 days left until Boone.
And I made my portion of sales for my team for the week… all today
(so basically I can take the rest of the week off)
^but not really
But so work is not a stressor right now… which is always nice.
Which means my internship is ending in 21 days (less than that, actually. 16 if you’re only counting working days).
And my waiting tables job is ending in 26 days.
And my restrictive family time is ending in 26 days. (It hasn’t been bad, folks. Just stressful… as you can very well tell.)
That means I’ll be free. For a little while at least.
And I can go to Boone.
To friends (even though my home friends have been a huge help.)
To school (as much as I know I’ll start hating it come October.)
To potential love-life-ing (hooray for that!)
And to counseling (thank GOD).
So I am hopeful. Hopefully counting down the days where things will return to what I know them to be as normal. And while what I’ve experienced this summer has been exciting and life-changing and all that… I’m ready to buckle down and press on and jump headfirst into a new year.
I feel change coming.
(And for once I’m excited about it.)
I just made my mom cry. I didn’t fucking mean to.
We were talking about my move-in, and how I needed to drive her car (which she never lets me do), and how I’m taking dad and a family friend with us… And she just started crying. Crying because she’s going to miss “my first apartment” and crying because she’s (as I “phrased” it) a coin toss, as to whether or not she can actually come that day. Who knows where she’ll be with chemo?
And she knows she can’t go. She knows she’s too weak and too tired to do anything but carry a couple boxes and sit and watch us put together furniture. She knows that. She knows I have to drive her car because it’s the only one that can get up the mountain and dad got his driver’s license revoked because of his surgeries and I’m almost 20 so I can do this myself.
She’s just so pissed at herself — for “getting” cancer.
And I can reassure her as much as I fucking want that it’s not her fault and “we’re beating this thing” and she’ll be okay.
But it’s just so fucking hard.
Jesus. I have lot to get accomplished between now and then.
Less than 50 days until school starts.
I come home. And within less than half an hour of being home:
ANNNNNNNND TO TOP IT ALL OFF:
It’s been a fucking great night.
The crash is coming soon. I can feel it.
The amount of support I need right now is ridiculous.
This is a zine produced by my university. Please help spread it around, reblog it, and take a look at it! It is a fight against female sexuality as depicted by men. It features stories, poetry and art from female identified & people who identifies with aspects of femaleness.
I wrote in this! :D
That’s right, you guys. Criticized the pornindustry. Guess that, coupled with the fact that she discussed a current campus issue (the recent rape scandal) is reason enough to make someone to stop teaching.
Here are links to two articles explaining the issue:
For more info, here’s the link to the actual letter Jammie Price was sent (via W-S Journal): http://www2.journalnow.com/mgmedia/file/543/view-allegations-against-jammie-price-pdf/
^About a week and a half ago, I wrote this post. I was worried that my doing an “It Gets Better” project with ASU would hurt my reputation, or affect me in a negative way.
But I’m saying now, regardless. I DID IT.
I’m currently in two headspaces. The first says, “WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT ANYTHING?! IF THEY LOVE YOU, THEY WON’T GIVE A SHIT.” The second says, “Well, Shelby, they’ve known you since _____ and you haven’t dropped hints to them at all. You’ve been lying to them. They might be hurt. They might stop talking to you. They might disown you altogether.”
I’m trying to keep the first one in mind, just because so many people have said they have my back. I just want to be accepted for who I am. I hate that it’s a continual struggle (and yet I was just in a video about how I’m so happy I’ve been accepted for who I am… Go figure.).
We’ll see what happens from here. Fingers crossed.