"Eventually something you love is going to be taken away. And then you will fall to the floor crying. And then, however much later, it is finally happening to you: you’re falling to the floor crying thinking, 'I am falling to the floor crying,' but there’s an element of the ridiculous to it — you knew it would happen and, even worse, while you’re on the floor crying you look at the place where the wall meets the floor and you realize you didn’t paint it very well."
My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%
NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.
It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.
An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.
So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.
My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.
I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..
What’s next pizza delivery hitmen
Kiki’s Delivery Service
1989 Japanese theatrical poster
(Source: oh-totoro, via callus)
"Love the logo! What font size did you use so we can reproduce it in Word?"
"I tell my students, ‘When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. This is not just a grab-bag candy game."
The best deodorant you will ever use
Seriously. 1/4 teaspoon in each pit and you can sweat your ass off, totally stink-free for like 2 full days. It’s a natural anti-bacterial so those little fuckers won’t multiply and make you smell. Plus it’s cheaper and healthier than any deod you can buy anywhere.
Use equal parts of the following:
With a few drops of whatever essential oil you want, for fragrance. Otherwise it basically just smells like nothing. I use tea tree oil & pine needle oil. Cuz they’re MANLY.
Note - It pretty much turns to liquid if it’s warmer than about 75 degrees. If you want to keep it solid, you can refrigerate it or add a little more corn starch.
Reblogging myself again, cuz I still use this and it’s still awesome
Me: I’ve attached four different options for the cover page. Please let me know which one you prefer so I can purchase the relevant stock image. I’ve provided the cost of each image below for your convenience. Thanks.
One week later.
Client: Yes, I like the images.
getting spoken to as if i’m straight by straight people who assume everyone is straight, subsequently feeling like the world’s most useless and irritated secret agent